The Weight of my Vulnerability: Facing MY Truths in the Face of Fear.

Since my last post a few hours ago, where I opened up about my experience with hypersexuality following assault, I’ve felt a strange mix of freedom and fear. There’s something liberating about putting words to the parts of your story you’ve kept hidden. But with that freedom also comes anxiety. I can’t help but worry about how people might respond.

I spend a lot of time living in the space of “what ifs.” I think through every possible scenario until they all blur together and become irrelevant. Sharing something so personal and intimate with the world is never easy. To be completely honest, not many people read my posts yet, but I’m working on it. I believe in the power of words, even if they only reach a few hearts.

What gets to me sometimes is the thought of who might stumble upon my words. Friends, future colleagues, strangers. Will they see me differently? Will they reduce me to this one part of my story? Especially because I want to build a career in the mental health field, I worry that some may see this kind of openness as a mistake. As if transparency and professionalism can’t coexist.

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to: I’m not writing for everyone, I never have. My goal has never been to change the world, just to touch a few lives in a meaningful way. If one person reads my story and feels less alone in theirs that’s enough. It’s honestly more than enough.

There’s power in truth. In unfiltered, uncomfortable honesty. I think a lot of people who have gone through serious traumas can lose a lot of themselves, and sometimes the only thing we have to hold onto is the truth. I believe that sharing the real and ongoing parts of my healing, not the whole and healed version  that doesn’t exist but the real authentic me who is still working at it daily, is where the impact lives. And maybe that’s bigger than the insecurity I feel in this moment. Maybe, over time, this kind of honesty will not only help someone else but help me continue healing too.

Thanks for reading.

Peace and Love,

Niamh