Platonic Soulmates Are Real, and I Found Mine

The bond between best friends is more fragile than people realize, especially when you're young. I've been through my share of people I once called "best friends." But looking back, I see now that they were just stepping stones that led me to the truest, most real friend I’ve ever had.

Kane and I were an unlikely pair from the start. Honestly, he wasn’t someone I expected to be long term friends with, let alone someone I wouldn’t be able to imagine life without. We didn’t become best friends overnight. At first, we were just two people who hung out between classes and sometimes after school. But now? He’s the person I can’t imagine doing life without. The little mundane tasks, the small wins, the big wins, he’s my go to person for everything.

I used to hear the phrase “platonic soulmates” and not think much of it, until I met Kane. We met when I was 17 and he was 16. We were just two broken kids trying to fight our way into adulthood.

We were nothing alike. He was this emo, alternative guy. I was a country Canadian girl. But somehow, it worked. In the first year of our friendship, things were pretty surface level: late-night shenanigans, boy problems, nothing too deep. Honestly, I can’t even pinpoint when it changed, and neither can he. We talked about it recently and realized there wasn’t one defining moment. But somewhere along the way, it just clicked.

Kane has shown up for me in every way imaginable. All through the good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly. No matter how many miles separated us or how many different paths we've walked over the last eight years, nothing has broken our bond. Nothing has even come close.

This friendship is different. The kind of love, care, and understanding we have goes deeper than most people can comprehend. When I think of the people who’ve truly shown up for me time and time again, the list is short, especially because of my bipolar disorder and other mental health struggles. I’ve lost a lot of friends- some due to my own behavior, some due to theirs, and some because of the darkest chapters in my life.

But no matter how bad it’s gotten, I’ve always bounced back. Except… if I ever lost Kane, I know there would be no bouncing back. That would break me in a way nothing else has.

I don’t believe much in destiny, but with Kane, I do. I think we were meant to find each other. If you asked any of our mutual friends to describe our relationship, they’d say we are platonic soulmates. Kane sees through me when no one else can. He tells me what I need to hear, even when I’m not ready to hear it. And I do the same for him.

We’ve had thousands of miles between us. We’ve had moments where life looked completely different for each of us. And yet, we’ve remained just as close. Friendships like that? Once in a lifetime. (If you’re lucky.)

I’m lucky. I know that.

My parents have questioned a lot of my friendships over the years, but never Kane. They knew, just like we did that I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for him. He has saved my life, more than once. And I’ve saved his too. What we have isn’t about convenience, or fun, or even just loyalty. It’s about being able to show up for each other as our whole selves messy, complicated, and real.

In the early days, before I even understood what mania was, Kane would meet me in parks in the middle of the night to make sure I was safe. The give-and-take in our friendship has never been measured or transactional, it’s just about meeting each other where we’re at, even when where we’re at isn’t pretty.

Now, I’m lucky enough to live near Kane again. And the time we get to spend together each week? I’ll never take that for granted. Because I know as life continues distance may come again. I tend to move a lot and I don’t plan to stay in Washington long term. But I also know our friendship will survive it, just like it always has.

Kane is one of the smartest, most talented people I know. I hope the world sees him the way I do one day because he deserves that and so much more. Kane is going to be an incredibly talented and respected tattoo artist one day soon. It’s not a matter of if but when.

I've let go of a lot of friendships in my life. And while that was hard, I’ve learned that it’s better to have a few people who really show up for you, than a crowd who won’t. Even if I had only Kane, that would still be more than enough. Because what we have is rare.

People in my life have always talked about “chosen family” and Kane is mine. Through him, I’ve gained people I love deeply: his siblings, who I’ve watched grow into incredible young adults or soon to be adults. His dumb-ass boyfriend (who I adore with my whole heart). Our shared friends who understand the strength and value of what we have.

Platonic soulmates aren’t just a fantasy. They’re real.

And I am lucky enough to call mine Kane. I hope everyone finds there Kane someday, sometimes it happens when you least expect it.

Thanks for reading.

Peace and Love,

Niamh